The trauma we have experienced and the emotional scars that left on us are, whether we like it or not, part of us in the present. For most they remain as painful memories and as everything you will read on this blog, it’s time to make something good out of them.
Did I say something good? Yes. While it is true that there are easier or more pleasant things to do in life than dealing with emotional trauma we have to consider the bigger picture:
First of all you have to know that it is possible to outgrow your emotional trauma, you just need to know how to do it.
Secondly: living beneath the shadows of trauma is living a limited life, and that’s not cool.
And lastly, it won’t be until we learn to do something with it that we will be truly free and able to enjoy the good things of life.
I realized that whenever I faced the memories of painful events I wasn’t comfortable. I didn’t enjoy living within the walls of my trauma, so I decided that I would either live happily or die trying. I just thought it made no sense to live accepting those limits.
It felt like certain areas of my life (and mind) were “off-limits”. Those painful memories left me feeling all vulnerable and I didn’t feel free. I felt I was being held by the proverbial ball and chain and I didn’t like it.
We all cope with emotional trauma differently, but for me it was like some sort of “strong pull”. So whenever I wanted to have fun or simply live life and enjoy it, I felt uneasy, as if there was this “shadow” lurking in the background. And this also happened often while being alone.
I didn’t like that feeling, so instead I decided to face my demons. Like I said, I would either be victorious and live fully, or die trying. Settling didn’t seem like an option to me. I’m not the kind of person who feels comfortable ignoring his problems.
Take a shortcut.
And to tell the truth, I didn’t get it right the first time. It took countless efforts until I realized there was actually a way of doing it. Trial and error had made me very good at it, after years of struggling with painful memories.
Today I want to share with you the my 4-step Trauma Healing method. I used it to outgrow the traumatic events that I once thought had complete power over me. Today those painful memories have no effect on me.
I recognize that I got a little bit obsessed with overcoming my psychological trauma (lol). But looking back I realize it was actually a good thing to be so persistent, because the outcome was and still is awesome. Complete peace of mind and freedom to be who I really am. I could finally feel whole and I became stronger (just as you will 🙂 )
After having tried it with dozens of clients I can tell you that we all have the power to defeat trauma. It’s just a matter of understanding how to do it.
Scientific research has shown that you are capable of healing your brain and changing its structure simply by changing behaviors, thoughts and emotions. This innate ability is what we call neuroplasticity. With the steps described below you will be able to free yourself from the trauma of painful memories .
While we may not be able to change the past we can change ourselves to live happy, free from emotional trauma and in complete peace of mind. So, how can you achieve it? Let’s dig in .
4-steps to be free from emotional trauma and painful memories!
STEP 1: The very first step to take is overcoming the resistance of dealing with trauma. Even though we didn’t ask for the traumatic events they happened. And still it is us who have to deal with the emotional consequences. Nobody likes this, but it’s where we stand.
This resistance hinders our progress. Think about this: Since we didn’t do anything to deserve it we feel like it is not our responsibility to work with it. We feel we have been wronged and therefore, since the origin of the problem is external, then the solution must also come from the outside. Right?
The problem with this idea is that it leaves you powerless. So instead what you have to do is think of it this way: You are not responsible or guilty of the things that happened to you… Yet you are responsible of your emotional state. See the difference? You deal with your trauma because you have to get better and because you have the right to be free from these limitations. You do it for yourself, for your benefit.
And let’s not confuse taking responsibility for taking blame. There is no place for blame or guilt here, forget all about them. They are not good for us and they only hurt, we don’t need that. Just take responsibility of your happiness.
STEP 2: Do not identify with your trauma. Stop seeing your trauma as something that defines you. Become aware of the fact that whatever hurt you doesn’t define who you are.
We have this tendency of looking at our trauma like it’s a permanent scar, something that has crippled us in some way, be it physical or emotional. Taking this perspective is really unfavorable for us. Why? Because we have no power under these terms! :/ Even if we were hurt badly those wounds can heal.
You don’t have to be a damaged version of yourself. Choose to identify with the growth and strength you are exercising. When you think about those painful memories think of them simply as something that happened, period. Instead of something that happened to you.
Trauma has power over us because we associate our identity with the pain, but we are so much more than that. We must let that pain go and detach our identity from it.
STEP 3: Don’t try to evade the memories, work them out instead. Wanting to suppress the painful memories will backfire as it is just giving them power over you. The truth is those memories will affect you until you work them out. Evasion will only bring you more problems in the future and most likely in other areas of your life.
How do you deal with these memories? The answer is emotional detachment. Whenever those painful memories come to you exercise emotional detachment. An easy way to do this is to think of it like if you were watching a movie and think of yourself as a character only.
Of course you may get a little bit emotional when watching some movies, but you also limit the level of influence the story has over you. We all do this naturally. We draw boundaries and this is exactly what you should do in the case of your painful memories. Limit how much you will allow them to hurt you.
The goal here is to stop defining ourselves by the pain and damage we have endured.
Another good exercise of detachment is to talk about a minor emotional trauma, but with a wist. Instead of seeing how much it afflicted you will take a different stance.
And say this out loud: “At that time it really made me sad, but now that I look back I don’t feel bad anymore”. The key is to remember it from a place of neutrality and in the present, detached from the events.
Think of it this way and repeat: “It’s just how things are and I don’t see myself as a victim. It was just hard to go through, sure, but here I am learning from it.” What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Detachment is the antidote for painful memories. Detach your identity from the events; see them as something that happened to another person and everything changes. You are not the pain you have endured, you are so much more than that and you will realize this when you overcome your trauma.
STEP 4: Release it. We usually default to evasion when it comes to our emotions, because nobody taught us how to deal with them. As you know, this blog is all about the Emotional Education we didn’t get as kids; and when we talk about trauma I have a lot to say.
Even though it can feel “ok” to just ignore emotional trauma, you can easily solve your situation if you take care of yourself and your emotional healing. Nobody else will do it for you.
If you have a lot of emotional buildup regarding a traumatic event you will need to release the negative energy.
Releasing the negative energy.
For example, something as simple as crying. If you feel sad don’t be afraid to cry it out. And let me tell you something: it DOES work, because that’s the way you can release many feelings. If you get angry try punching a pillow until you run out of anger and when you are done you will feel a lot better.
Your own emotions tell you how to release, so listen to yourself! In case you don’t know how to do it, don’t hesitate and send me an email to george[AT]georgealonso[DOT]com and I will give you a hand). As long as you don’t hurt anybody (including yourself) you can do pretty much whatever you want until you have released the emotional energy.
Repeat emotional release exercises as much as you need it, it will help you drop the emotional burden.
Stop your emotional trauma right in its tracks.
Traumatic events are already painful enough, don’t allow your trauma to traumatize you any further. Don’t allow it to shape you like a bitter, fearful, fragile, dark being. Go the other way, the way of growth, strength, joy, freedom.
In life you either become bitter or better. Your call.
And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that you are “wrong” by feeling what you feel. I’m just saying that there’s a time when you have to say “Enough!”. It’s the difference between being a victim and staying a victim.
We’ve all been victimized in one way or another. It’s something that shouldn’t happen and yet it happens, it sucks. The world would be a perfect place if people would just not mess with others. Still, it happens and we have the responsibility (even if we didn’t ask for it) of dealing with the emotions that arise from being victimized.
The way we do this is to put an end to the damage that trauma is having on us. And I have to reiterate: Not allowing trauma to traumatize us any further. No more passiveness, no more allowing yourself to be afflicted. Your emotional trauma just met its end.
Oh, and before I forget… Some of us have this annoying inner voice that tells us that we are “not good enough” because we cannot overcome trauma. Completely let go of this voice of guilt.
You just needed to know how to heal and now you are on your way to achieving it. Read this again as many times as you need to completely overcome your childhood trauma. Do the exercises and use this method to heal trauma.
Being hurt doesn’t make you inferior or worthless in any way, we are all vulnerable and it’s normal. Accept this natural vulnerability, don’t see it as something you should be ashamed of. Don’t take it up against yourself.
No more painful memories!
Painful memories will become plain memories, which will have no emotional impact on you. You will be a new you now defined by the growth you are achieving, by your desire to get better.
Refuse to live within the confines of your emotional trauma. You have full power to completely heal and this guide is your handy tool to achieve it. Use this meditation to get to know your mind better. It will help you understand your mind and find a way through your emotional trauma.
If you believe this will be helpful to others or if it helps you don’t forget to share and like. And hey, drop me a comment below and let me know what you think about this. Thanks for reading!
Master yourself, master your life.
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